Monday, January 2, 2017

bravery is a dollar store razor

My femininity, well my conscious awareness thereof, began with a negative realization.
I am NOT a man.

Differentiation is the most basic of reasoning skills. (Though, I’m not sure how many trans women start from there.)

I’ve always wanted to be a girl.
Most of my childhood crushes had odd aspects of jealousy attached to them.
I remember telling my grandmother I wished I was a girl. She told me I didn’t. I guess she knew the yonic burden better than I.
I got to dress up as a woman one Halloween. I got ma’am-ed all night long at the church function. It was wonderful. 
 I’ve always actually been a girl.

However, my body has been largely defined by testosterone. Most of my life was lived underneath that terrible masculine mask.

I don’t forget that. I won’t forget that. I can’t forget that.

So despite my sassy bitchery, I don’t quite look like your average woman. There is a prodigious amount of hair all over my body. That same body stores fat (ohhh, I gots plenty of that) in typically male patterns. Despite my infirment, I’ve still got most of the strength which testosterone made easy for me to come by…

With a 5 o’clock shadow and a huge gut, sometimes it was a bit hard for me to look in the mirror and see a woman.

Until I came to a new realization: I am an ogress, a sex ogress from fucking outer-space.

I take the hair off my face, because I don’t want it there. (The bushy ass beard I kept was a big part of my masculine mask.) I irregularly shave my tits because… well I want them to be the glorious tits they are… if sometimes slightly fuzzy. The rest of me stays as is…
…because I am an ogress, and I will punch your beauty standards in nonexistence.

I’ve always identified with monsters, anyways, so this is probably less self-deprecating than you might imagine. (Oh, sure, there is some of that in there, too.)

My gut, my body hair, my jawline all make sense. I am an ogress, a different example of femininity: a tough as nails vision of femininity. My very own way to be the woman, I always should have been.
I’m ready to fight. I'm ready to face it all, head-on, because I found my secret reality. 

I am a fairly hairy, not small, but very fuckable ogress from outer space. I’m not so bothered by it anymore.

I might have accidentally modeled my gender
after Amethyst and LSP. I like purple I guess.

Plus, shaving your legs is a real bitch.

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